A Little Bit Sad

Today I feel as though I've been affronted with one too many injustices both big and small.  First I read about Nepal's radical cessation of democratic practices as imposed by their King. Can you imagine? All I could think about is one of my favorite books, Margaret Atwood's "The Handmaid's Tale," and just how suddenly we as humans can lose all our freedoms by the hand of one pretty fucking nutty leader. I think we're ALL fooling ourselves if we think it couldn't happen to us and well, the very thought is just chilling.

Then I read an article in O Magazine (not a regular reader here, I'll admit) over lunch about the tortures being endured by women in Africa. What with rebel soldiers storming into their houses r*ping them and even sometimes their daughters and k*lling ch*ldren as young as 3 (the asterisks are for protective purposes because if I see one disgusting fucking search based upon those terms then I will go absolutely ape-shit) . I mean, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! This is going on in the world and we're in Iraq, doing what exactly? I mean, really, people. It's stuff I pretend to not know in order to go on living my fruity, gravy life but then I read an article like that and well, I just can't shake the horror. I applaud the courage and resolve of these women to tell their stories and continue to strive to better their lives and heal their hurts.

Nothing makes you feel like a true unimportant whining asshole more than TRUE human suffering. I mean, MY GOD.

And then, here's the small hurt: I've been chatting with a friend over the past couple of days about the fun of Science Projects. If you note sarcasm then drop it like a hot potato because although it struck fear in my heart at first, we ended up really enjoying the process and I've NEVER been prouder of my Nat. This kid is just a hierarchy of pride, I swear. When I think she's done the best possible thing ever (from the time she was conceived, actually) she goes and tops herself. God Bless Her. Anyway, she came home today reporting that 3 children in her class received 0's for not turning in a Science project. OK these kids are 8 and 9 years old. They are obviously not old enough to do an assignment like this all on their own. You know where I'm going, right? I mean, I am assuming that their parents either didn't care to help or couldn't for some reason and it just BREAKS MY FUCKING HEART. I just think about all of the things I do for my children that even I take for granted and when I hear stories such as this it crushes me to think that every child out there doesn't have a parent that can/will support their scholarly pursuits (for whatever reason). Especially when most of the kids will have a project that they will proudly display. I just can't stand it. I wish the teachers would have taken more of an initiative with these kids to maybe ask for donations of supplies and possibly tutoring. I mean, I would have gladly taken on such a task just to help a child. Now I'm just sick about it.

Oh and how can I forget? Today marks the 2-year anniversary of the Columbia shuttle tragedy. Why do we have to bastardize a song for every fucking disaster? I listened to just such an atrocity on my way home from work today. Elton John's "Rocket Man." All I could think about were the families. What would THEY think? I wonder. I hope I never have to find out personally, quite honestly. It also bothered me how none of my online news pages mentioned this anniversary. How soon we forget. I wouldn't have remembered myself had it not been for the somber rendition of "Rocket Man" which I couldn't tear myself away from. I mean, if I changed the station, I would be an ultimate cold hearted bitch or so I thought at the time. No, I felt I needed to pay my respects.

I apologize if I come across as some kind of rambling asshole with a latent response to the world's troubles, but damn. It just got to me today and I can't stop thinking about how helpless I am to do anything about anything.

I hate feeling so crudely HUMAN. It's so lovely to live in the La La Land I've created for myself most of the time. Let's hope I wake up without a conscience tomorrow. Or at the very least that today's fresh existential wounds scab over nicely so that I can see and honor them but that they're not oozing and rendering me as pathetic and raw as I feel tonight.

It's really poor form for an asshole like me.

Comments

[Holly]

Nino, I am not an "O" reader myself, but something compelled me to buy the latest issue on one grocery trip last week. The first article I read was about the women in the Congo. Sad thing is, I've known for some years there was conflict over there and kinda buried my head in the sand and never really looked into the details (you've inspired me to write a post about this - not along the same vein as yours, but come and check it out later).

I think we are all guilty of not seeing the struggles throughout the world when our own world feels so far removed from that tragedy. Even the space shuttle falling to pieces is a blip compared to the horror the women in that part of the world are experiencing every day.

May God bless each and every one of us and remind us daily that we are blessed to be Americans. Thanks, Nino.

[sierra]

did you really have to get me started? I spent the morning getting pics of my little guy with cupid wings and bow and arrow. We really do have good lives here. It breaks my heart too to hear about all the suffering. I'm just now getting over that Oprah show I saw about the abandoned children. I even donated a cow to the heifer project to help me feel better. It never ends though. We just have to keep working at it.

[Kelly]

Nino,
You dont ever have to apologize for anything. I am so grateful for this entry. Thank you for reminding me and all of us how grateful we should be. Your writing really inspires me!
Kelly