golden years

The other day my friend was over and upon seeing Charlie Brown with his lumpy body, milky, blind eyes and bumping into things she asked about putting him down. I wasn't offended, his age does show and I guess to an outsider he looks quite pathetic indeed. However, he's OK. Better than OK. Charlie is old, ancient even. 13 is extremely old for any dog but especially for a dog of his size. I like to think of that as a testament to how good a life he's lead. But yeah, it's showing. However, he's not in any pain or discomfort. He sleeps most of the day away (just like old people!) and enjoys laying in the grass while the kids are playing, while Guy is grilling or I'm working in the garden. His coat is itchy (he's allergic to himself) but shiny and he will still drop and roll over as an invitation to rub his belly at any given moment. He's tolerant of the girls loving on him and still wags his tail and nudges you with his snout when he wants something. All in all, he's a slower, quieter version of himself but no less loving and content. So, we continue to do what we vowed we'd do: take the best care of him we can while he's still with us. The moment I think he's in any discomfort or truly sick with no chance of recovery, I will let him go.

Funny though because early on when he started deteriorating, Guy said we'd [eventually] have to put him down. Of course, with him I got very indignant and said "Why? Just because he's elderly & inconvenient? Should we put your Mother down too?" ha ha ha JOKE. Charlie is not inconvenient. 

dia de las madres

I'm super excited about Mother's Day tomorrow. I'm not exactly sure why I'm more excited than usual except that I'm just happy to feel almost back to normal (healthwise) and to have a full day set aside where the only thing we have to do is be together. What a treat! Guy wanted to make me breakfast but I just want a breakfast picnic of donuts & coffee in bed with my loves. We're even going to try to hoist Charlie up on the bed. :) Then, we're going to lounge and maybe even take a mid-morning nap, all of us together. Later, we're heading out to Ham's Orchards. Yay!

I realize, as a person, how lucky I am to want or lack for nothing. Cheesy as it sounds, as long as I have my peeps, I will always have everything I need. Feels good.

(Happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate!)

...and then, I died

Hell, thy name is MIGRAINE.

I thought I'd had a migraine before but boy, oh, boy was I sadly mistaken. I now realize I've had bad headaches. But migraines? Not until last week. And it was agony, you guys. If you've experienced them, you're nodding your head dejectedly. If you haven't experienced them, you're probably wondering how bad they could really be? I'll tell you how bad: I'd rather experience natural, unmedicated childbirth again (and again and again). It was THAT BAD. And so scary. When you don't know what's wrong with you or when it's going to pass; when you can't even think straight much less see (everything's too bright!) or hear (everything's too loud!) some pretty dark imaginings creep in. Words, like aneurysm, tumor and hemorrhage, rape what little clear space is left in your mind beyond the sheer pain of existing.

So, what caused it? We don't know. I'm thinking it was a perfect storm of hormones, allergies and the last physical therapy appointment for my neck (from my car accident in January). They put me in traction and I think he strapped me in too tight this time. I, for the record, DO NOT like having my neck manipulated in any way shape or form. Therapeutic massage and strength building is one thing but anything venturing into the chiropractic arena and I'm very squeamish. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Why did I allow them to even flirt with it for the past 6 weeks? I was too anxious for relief and ironies of all ironies, now I feel worse! (My neck is still sore from last week's appointment.) 

Long story short, the migraine was long (4 flippin' days!) and hellish including heavy meds (I'm not a big meds person), being rolled out of my doctor's office in a wheelchair and a comical costume of huge, floppy sunhat, sunglasses, blindfold and ice bag on my head: INSIDE THE HOUSE. Oh, and I puked so hard one night that I peed my pants. In front of Guy. NO JOKE. Don't get me started on the charming "migraine hangover" that I'm now experiencing. I'm currently at about 80% functionality. Symptoms include: fatigue, mental fogginess, muscle and joint soreness, general queasiness and phantom headaches.

The shiniest cherry on this sh*t cake was that I had to quit my cute little job in between drugged slumbers. Listen, I don't blame people for being put out due to my illness. No one should have been more put out than Guy who had to take complete care of me + 3 kids, including all kinds of extracurriculars + an elderly dog, all the household stuff and a demanding job. Of course, he did it all and more without nary a complaint and he was still "stopping in to check on [me]" as recently as yesterday. HE. IS. MY. KING. So, yeah. Sick employee=effing hassle. I get it, I hate it, but you can't badger bother me when I'm in bed half-scared that I'm dying and half-hoping that I am because OH MY GOD, THE PAIN. It just cannot happen. In all of my life, I've NEVER been bothered by work whilst sick. NEVER. This was a shocking first for me and it was, at worst, supremely disrespectful and, at best, just plain ol' tacky.

So, yeah, I had to bid my little part-time social experiment adieu. "You have been extremely disrespectful and I want you to know that I'm not coming back," I practically bleated between Vicodin doses. A true pity. I was having fun with it.

C'est la vie, darlings! Onward.

smile

Caught a glimpse of this on the way back from our new Monday dinner spot. Guy circled the block and squeezed his huge Suburban through an impossibly narrow alley to the little girls' delight so that I could get this shot. Sweet!

Oh, and I almost lost Charlie last night. Nat and I hit the street with flashlights and Guy hopped in his truck. He didn't have to go far. Nat found Char a few yards down and all is well. Still, you can imagine how hard it is to find a Chocolate Lab in the pitch dark. I FREAKED.

Quite the adventure-filled Monday, no?

i meet such interesting people

That's one thing I like about my job. I really hear some stories, let me tell you. It's surprising to me how much people share. Maybe I just have that kind of "talk to me" face, ha!

I also like:

- being expected somewhere, *having* to get out of the house

- being busy...I don't stand still for pretty much the entire time I'm there

- the flexibility, HUGE plus for my non-committal personality (says the wife of 17 years and mother of 3 -- ha! ha!). But seriously, I'm not tethered, which leads to...

- the honesty of it...I don't have to pretend I give a shit about anything remotely in the future. I just bring people their food in a really nice atmosphere. Right then and there. That's it.

- nobody's life depends on it. I'm not curing cancer, it's not rocket science. I have absolutely no delusions of grandeur. If anything, I'm continuosly amused that I know how to do it. Yet it's so simple, how could I not? But it can get hectic, so, wow!, how cool that I can manage it. Which leads to...

- my favorite practice: mindfulness. I can't think of much else when I'm there, I'm too busy DOING. So, I'm present when I'm there and when I'm not, I'm SO NOT. Which is, oddly enough, incredibly freeing.

Someday I might have to "grow up" and make a more meaningful contribution to our family's finances as I have in the (very distant) past but right now? I'm raising my children. I can make no greater contribution nor could I, in good conscience, ask for a morsel more. 

another last

The infamous Kindergarten Zoo Fieldtrip. Anna Sofia's turn was so fun. It was a gorgeous day for it too!

allergies 14, Nino 0

Yowza. The allergies are bad. We're going on two weeks here, friends. Today's treat is that their threatening to become a raging sinus infection. Way to add insult to injury, you! Not complaining here, mind you, I'm merely reporting. I mean, yeah, they're a pain but allergies are chump change in comparison to what others are suffering. Always interesting, though, how a compromised immune system interferes with the business of daily living. Whether it's pill popping or the amount of naps needed in a day to simply function, the importance of good health is never lost on me. I'm ready for this one to pass. Hay fever with a chance of sinus is a forecast no one looks forward to. Oy!